Someone please shut my mouth.

I am fully aware that I talk too much.  That’s actually most people’s first impression of me:  “Man, she talks alot.”

That, in itself, is not the main problem to me.  Yes, I’m working on trying to just SHUT UP sometimes (it’s hard), but that’s really not my main concern.  My primary problem is that I talk in vast quantities before I think.  And then something comes out the wrong way, but by the time I realize that, the words are already out there, living a life of their own, doing all they can to embarrass me and make me look like a moron.  It happens on a regular basis.

It happened about 3 hours ago.   And now I’m pretty sure the lady who works at a medical clinic here in town thinks I’m a stalker.

I called up there to find out if we had an outstanding balance, because we couldn’t find the statement from their office.   A lady answered the phone, and I told her what I needed.  She looked up my balance and said she would mail me a new statement.  When she pulled up my address, she said “Do you live in ********* subdivision?”  I said “I do!”  And she said “So do I! I live on your street.”  And without stopping to think, I blurted out, “Really? Do you ever walk with your kids?  Would you ever want to walk sometime when the weather is pretty? I dont know hardly anyone on my street. Maybe we can meet up sometime!”

Then I realized that I sounded like a stalker with no social life who is desperate for friends.  (Although the “no social life” part is accurate.)  I didn’t even know the woman’s name and I was practically begging her to hang out with me.  Of course, if I had thought it through, I might have asked her name, talked to her for a few minutes, explained that I walk with the boys about a hundred times a day, and invited her to walk with me if she was ever interested.  But no.  I verbally pounced on her, Stupidcat style.

Thankfully she did not immediately hang up in fear after realizing that a crazy woman who now knows where she works AND where she lives was on the other end of the line…which is probably what she should have done.  Instead, she actually sounded like she was entertaining the idea, and even continued to talk to me for a while longer.  So I might have made a new walking friend… unless she was just being nice, which is entirely possible.  After we had talked on the phone for a few minutes, I was just about to hang up when I realized that I didn’t even know her name yet.  How is it that I do things so backwards?! (I went to charm school in 4th grade and everything! I guess we see how much good THAT did me.)

Moral of the story: SHUT YOUR MOUTH and give your words a once-over before you let them explode out of your mouth. Or else you might sound like an idiot.  And a desperate, loser idiot at that!

PS – To the lady who lives on my street: (I wont use your name since that would be even more stalkery)  If you ever happen to see this and realize that I’m talking about YOU,  you should know that I really am not crazy… although you should not ask my husband for his opinion, because he might tell you otherwise.


4 thoughts on “Someone please shut my mouth.

  1. I have the same exact problem! I have prayed about it for years and really worked on this fault of mine. I just don’t seem to stop, think, think….then speak, it usually just flies out like projectile vomit. When I was about 13 years old my best friend cross-stitched me a wall hanging with one of my favorite prayers on it, “Please Lord if I can’t say something nice today…Please help me keep my BIG MOUTH shut!”. Of course at 13, I didn’t appreciate it that much but I do wish I could find that wall hanging now to place on the wall right beside my makeup mirror where I could be reminded every morning.
    It is not that I don’t have anything nice to say, I just always seem to have TOO nuch to say. My oldest two children 22 and 17, make fun of me all the time, they tell me “Momma not everyone wants to hear your life story!” or they will make comments like “Well looks like we are going to be here for a while cause momma has found someone else to listen to her stories”. Sam who is about to be 13, is the only one of my children who really cares to hear about “my life story” and he is always telling me I need to write a book or at least get a blog :-))

  2. Nikki Bonham, YOU ARE THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!! Come to lunch with me Friday. My treat! You deserve it for making me smile!!!

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