I want babies. I mean I really want babies. If I weren’t in grad school right now, Nate would have a hard time convincing me to wait. But lucky for him, I’ve still got 58 credit hours left to earn my degree. Let’s see…. 11 hours this fall, 3 this January, 12 this the spring, 6 next summer, 12 next fall, 3 next January, 11 next spring…. and I’ll be done. That means no babies until May 2009. But actually later because I dont want to go into labor while taking a final. So more like Fall or Winter 2009. And that’s if the necessary classes fit my schedule and things go as planned (how often does that happen?).
So…2 and a half years. By that point, Nate and I will be going on 6 years of marriage, which I think is a pretty good amount of time to be married before you throw kids in the mix. That gives us several more years of fun spoil-each-other time before our lives drastically change. We’d have a great foundation built on which to raise children. Plus that’s 2 and a half more years of sleeping late and not having to plan dinners and lunches with friends around nap/bedtime. Not to mention the 10-hours of sleep I get at night…. that would disappear too.
But 2 and a half years? That sure does seem a long way away. As many things there are that I don’t want to give up quite yet (school, my sleep schedule, movies on the couch at night with Natey, a free and fluid schedule, sanity) and things that I’m not really looking forward to (labor, changing diapers, screaming in the middle of the night, screaming in the middle of the day, never having a quick grocery store run again, an even tighter budget, huge baby toys all over my house, having to make sure I’m home mid-morning for naptime and by 7pm for bedtime, having to change clothes 5 times a day because of spit-up, working my whole life around someone else’s schedule)… there are even MORE things that I can’t wait for. Things like rocking a baby night-night, feeding them a bottle, laughing at them when they cover their face in babyfood, helping them learn to walk, reading them stories, babytalk, watching Nate cuddle with them, swimming, big toothless grins, big genuine hugs…..
I experience all of these wonderfully sweet things almost every day between Jane Bradley, Luke, and my kids and babies at church. But there’s something different about the way their eyes light up when I walk in the room and the way their eyes light up when their mama walks in the room. I like being "Fun Aunt Nik-Nik" or the fun cousin or the fun children’s ministry director; I love being loved by those kids, and I love them more than they will ever know… but there’s something different about being Mama.
There’s a big part of my heart that’s ready for that kind of love, despite the sacrifices that come with it.
But that’s 2 and a half years away. Right now I’m pouring myself into a different kind of love: the psuedo-newlyweds-with-no-kids-yet love. I know I want more experience and growth as a wife before I throw being a mom into that mix. I love where Nate and I are… in a week and a half we’ll celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary, and most of the time we still act like we’re dating. Giddy, goofy, lovey-dovey, and totally obsessed with each other. I love that he has comfort and peace in our home after a long day, that I can easily put aside all other distractions just for him. I love that we can lie in the bed and snuggle until 8:30am if we want to and feel no guilt. I love that we get to meet each other for lunch almost every day. I love that the things we’re involved in are mutual passions, that we’re excited over what we do and where we commit our time. I guess an easier way to say it as that I love "us." I love who we are together.
I guess I can’t really complain about things staying the way they are for another 2 and a half years, ’cause the way things are brings a smile to my face every morning.